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Most stress relief articles discuss ways to avoid stress or provide solutions for managing stress when it gets out of control. While these tips are extremely helpful, it\’s also important to look at things you shouldn\’t do while under stress. That\’s why this article gives you three stress relief dont\’s - along with concrete ways to avoid them.

1. Don\’t Talk About Your Troubles

If you\’ve studied the Law of Attraction, then you know that what you focus on expands. That\’s why you should never talk about your troubles as a stress relief technique. Instead of starting a conversation by rehashing your bad day, pick something positive to share. If you must explain a stressful situation to a friend or even your therapist, approach it from the standpoint of, “This is where I\’m at and this is what I\’m doing to move forward.” That way, you\’ll put your energy and focus on the solution rather than the problem!

2. Don\’t Internalize Everything that\’s Wrong in Your Life

Each of us, to a varying degree, has a negative voice lurking in our mind that is always willing to remind us what we did wrong, what we failed to do at all, or how poorly we handled a particular situation. The good news is, you have the power to dismiss this negative voice by replacing it with positive, nurturing self talk. For stress relief, try replacing the negative thoughts with, “I am relaxed,” or “I am safe.”

3. Don\’t Use Food for Comfort

One of the worst things you can do when you\’re under stress is use food, caffeine, drugs, or alcohol as solace. Things chemical uppers and downers may have you feeling better for a time, but when their effects wear off, you\’ll experience a crash that makes you feel worse. Over time, the highs and lows that food and chemical abuse creates can seriously jeopardize your health. When you\’re tempted to gorge on fast food, drive through the nearest espresso stand, or drown your sorrows in a vodka martini, stop yourself and consciously make a better choice. A chunky vegetable salad topped with grilled chicken, hot chamomile tea, or soothing music while reclining in your favorite chair are healthy choices for stress relief.

Stress is an unavoidable part of everyday life. By heeding these stress relief dont\’s, and finding better to vent your frustrations, you\’ll be doing your mind, body, and spirit a favor!

Patty Harder is a Reiki Master, ordained S.H.E.S. minister, and the founder of 5 Minute Self-Help, an online community for women who want to feel better, look better, and live better fast. Want a 30-Day All Access Pass to the tips, techniques, and tools at 5 Minute Self-Help? Visit http://www.5MinuteSelfHelp.com/trial

There are many components that need to work together in order for your self protection plan to be effective. Not surprisingly, most martial arts instructors and self defense experts concentrate on the physical skill necessary to protect yourself. Of course, that seems reasonable, right? You need to know how to block or deflect an attack, deliver an effective counter- strike to allow for your escape from danger, or simply discourage your attacker from further aggression. However, there is more that needs to be done to prepare you physically and mentally for defensive movements.

I’ve talked about Fear Management and threat awareness, non-violent postures and other mental training exercises in earlier posts. I have mentioned how difficult it really is to remain calm when faced with imminent threats of bodily harm. This is not the “fear of the unknown” that we sometimes refer to, but the actual recognition that a blow to the head is painful. Anxiety and stress can build up rapidly if we have no point of reference to what may occur. There are several ways to address stress and one of the easiest to practice is called “Stress Inoculation.”

Although this sounds like something a doctor can give you in his office, it really is something that you can develop on your own, or with the help of a good training partner. It works much the same as a flu shot. During cold and flu season, doctors recommend having a small amount of a particular strain of influenza virus injected into your body. Why? Because this allows the body to call up it’s immune system buddies to help fight off the virus and build up a tolerance and eventually an immunity to the threat. This is the theory behind Stress Inoculation.

Flash back to a scientific lab somewhere, and observe as a group of scientists try out a few experiments on their favorite test subjects: Rats. Here is what they did.

They took rats and divided them into three groups. Group 1 was given random shocks for 7 straight days. Group 2 would hear a bell and ten seconds later would get a shock. Group 3 would hear a bell and get no shocks. The end was sad for the rats, but good for us. They were autopsied and studied by group. the result?

Group 1- Had many ulcers from the constant fear of shocks without warning.

Group 2- Very few ulcers

Group 3- No signs of stress or ulcers.

O.K., similar tests have been done with other test subjects, but on an unscientific level, consider the the professional boxer. He’s pacing, anxious, full of adrenaline. The bell sounds and everything becomes familiar to him. He has been here before. He has been punched and survived before. His training takes over and he does what he needs to do. It would seem safe to say that the boxer has developed a form of stress inoculation to his profession.

Comfronting deep seated fears is indeed stressful. As I discussed earlier, training and preparation are important, but identifying the fear and threat is the key to building up an immunity to it. Once we can identify it, we can begin to de-mystify it it by analyzing and picking it apart piece by piece. What makes the 6′5″ 250lb. mutant so frightening? The physical presence, of course. Looking at the scar tissue around this predators eyes and the the twisted cartelidge of his nose tells us that he has done battle before. But it also tells us that he has been wounded by someone also. So, he’s not a machine, just a large predator who preys on the helpless or weak.

I would be lying if I said that facing down one of these creatures is a pleasant experience, but there is enough information identified from his profile to de-mystify his threat. Someone cut him, broke his nose, hurt him. If necessary, I can do the same. I have to do the same. What is the alternative?

Work on your stress by feeding yourself small doses of that which frightens you the most. Find out why snakes are so damn frightening. read up on them, go to the zoo and maybe even pick one up. It takes all of the mystery out of them and will empower you.

Next time you are sparring with your training partner, put in your mouthpiece and don your headgear. Let him throw a few jabs at your head. Nothing full out, just a few light punches to rock your head a little. Resist the urge to block or slip the punch. Just allow it to happen. You’ll know when you’ve had enough. You will find that having a punch slip through your guard is annoying but certainly not debilitating. You can shake it off and continue. You may even find that while you are sparring, you may not even realize when you’ve been tagged a few times. Your mind was where it needed to be and not on the fear of getting injured. Use this model in other areas of your personal protection strategy and you’ll find it far less stressful.

Jerry MacCauley is a personal protection trainer for law enforcement, private security and civilians who prefer an intelligent solution to protection concepts.

From the earliest days of the cavemen, stress has been a part of our lives. However, rapid advances in technology and a wealth of information have produced extra stress levels for many of us. When computers were first introduced many predicted a 15-20 hour work week but the opposite has happened. Our ability to reach people quickly and respond instantaneously has created an environment where the emphasis is on delivering now. The pressure to meet expectations is overwhelming if people do not possess coping mechanisms to manage their stress.

Stress comes in two common forms, personal stress and work-related stress. In our personal lives we deal with issues related to personal relationships, family life, our health, our home maintenance, managing our time and our financial well-being. Any of these areas can create significant increases in your stress levels. Some examples you may experience include:

• Your neighbor’s dog that barks all night outside your bedroom window
• Your daughter’s bedroom that looks like Hurricane Katrina did the decorating
• Your list of 50 things to do around the house before next Monday
• Endless phone calls from relatives, friends and salespeople

In our work-related lives we deal with another range of concerns. Stress can become overwhelming at work because of issues related to our job responsibilities, benefits and salary, our schedule, our co-worker relationships, our supervisors or our productivity levels. All of us have a mental picture of what the workplace would look like in a perfect world. Employment rarely looks exactly like this and we’re called upon to manage the stress that comes with the inconsistencies in this picture. For instance, productivity can cause stress if you lose too much time due to personal problems or commitments that interfere with your performance. The type of job alone might create these problems but we’re still expected to cope and function at a high level. While stress certainly inhibits productivity, learning to cope has the opposite effect.

So how do we cope with our rising stress levels? There are four basic methods to cope with stress and they apply to both personal and work-related stress issues. The four methods are problem-solving, communication, closeness and flexibility.

We tend to put off solving problems that are difficult to deal with. Problem-solving skills help you handle difficult situations. When a situation presents itself do you come up with positive changes to resolve the problem at hand? Or do you ignore recurring problems and hope they will disappear? Developing new methods for dealing with difficult situations can lead to efficient problem solving and it is much less stressful than procrastination, which causes additional stress buildup.

Poor communication causes misunderstandings which are the root cause of a growing number of problems in the workplace. Improved communication is the second method for coping with stress. When conflict arises, search for common ground, share your ideas and your emotions. Communication problems are often caused because tone is non-existent in emails. We write with tone but often don’t proofread emails to remove things that could be misinterpreted. Email tone is just one source of miscommunication. People often don’t understand what other people’s objectives are in a given situation. Taking time to understand what other people want to get out of a conversation can help you avoid the stress of communication problems.

How close are the people that work with you? How close are you and your family members? Closeness refers directly to the support you have within your household and with your co-workers. It includes how you interact with your supervisor, your spouse, and your neighbors. People that are close to people in their life tend to carry a lot less stress. Improving your communication and creating better solutions for problems affect your closeness. For instance, if you take the time to understand your friend’s point of view in times of conflict you may recognize what is causing the conflict. This helps to solve the problem quickly and directly reduces your stress level. This is far from rocket science. If you can resolve conflicts or solve problems rather than carrying them with you stress levels should decrease.

The final method for coping with stress is your level of flexibility. Being too rigid or stubborn causes conflict, problems and ultimately stress. How flexible are you when it comes to reacting to difficult situations? We all need to stand our ground on certain issues but we also have areas of our life where we could be more flexible. It doesn’t matter if you choose to do this through compromise or by choosing which battles are worth fighting. Recognize that your way is not always the right way and that other people may be just as effective doing things their way. Recognizing how you can be more flexible takes a conscious effort and lots of practice. Each of these stress reduction methods can work as stand alone solutions or they can be used in conjunction with the other three.

If you learn to use these coping mechanisms to manage your stress, your personal and work lives will benefit a great deal. Some people turn to therapists, some people just live with the stress and others choose to manage it. Exercise has been known to reduce stress but if you don’t address the underlying problems, all of the exercise in the world won’t make you happy. You’ll be physically fit but mentally and emotionally drained.

Our personal and work lives often overlap. Events at work can impact home life and problems at home can certainly affect your performance at work. While employee perks such as massage therapy are helpful most organizations don’t offer benefits like this. People need resources to help them identify the role of stress in their lives and develop coping mechanisms. Many companies use stress assessment tools to discover what types of issues their employees face and to create an action plan to develop coping mechanisms and reduce stress. Finding what causes stress is only half the battle. Learning how to cope is the key. Most people would like to eliminate stress completely. Without some amount of stress we would view our lives as unexciting. However, we do want stress levels to remain manageable.

Don Bowlby is the Vice President, Operations at Corexcel, a company specializing in online continuing education and workplace training. For more information about Corexcel and the training materials they offer, visit http://www.corexcel.com

Brent started to work with me after his wife, Carla, suddenly decided to leave the marriage. They had been married five years and Brent thought everything was fine. Then Brent became ill and Carla withdrew. And then she was gone.

Brent was devastated. He loved Carla and wanted her back. However, he soon learned that she had not been honest with him, even from the beginning of their relationship. He learned that she had been more interested in his money than in him. She was ruthlessly going after his money.

After a couple of months, Brent was doing better. He had let go of Carla and had started to date. Then Carla sent him an email where her tone was softer then it had been, and this sent Brent back into anxiety.

“I have been waking up anxious every morning,” Brent told me in one of our phone sessions. “And feeling anxiety a lot during the day.”

“Brent, what are you telling yourself about Carla?”

“I keep wishing that things were back the way they were. I love her and I want her back. Her email made me think that things could be back the way they were.”

“Brent, Carla left you when you were really sick. She lacked any compassion for you. You told me that you had noticed her lack of compassion toward other people as well. Then she told you that she never loved you. Now she is going after your money, even though she earns her own. You are not in reality about who Carla is. You are making her up, and this is what is causing your anxiety. Your inner child - your feeling self - is letting you know with this anxiety that you are off track in your thinking, that your thinking is not based in reality. And your inner child is anxious that you are going to abandon him by going after someone who is not a loving person, while pretending that she is.”

“But I thought she was a loving person. She is a loving person deep down. If she went into counseling with me, we could work this out.”

“Perhaps, but this is not who she is choosing to be. You are not accepting the reality of who she is choosing to be. You will always feel anxious when you do not accept the reality of things. You keep thinking that if you say the right thing or do the right things, not only will she come back, but she will be willing to deal with herself and be who you want her to be. None of this is reality. She has given you no indication that she is willing to go into counseling with you, no indication that she is interested in changing. You are making all of this up, and this is causing your anxiety.”

“I know that you are right, but this is so hard. It is so hard to let go.”

“Yes, your wounded ego self wants to believe that you have control over something that you have no control over. You are having a hard time letting go of control. But trying to control something over which you have no control will always create anxiety. You are not being in reality about what you have control over and what you don’t have control over.”

“Yes, I see that. I want control over getting Carla to be the way I thought she was. I don’t even like who she is right now, but I don’t want to accept that this is who she is choosing to be. I can see that I need to accept this reality and not keep thinking that I can get her to come back and to be the way I thought she was. Ah, I am starting to feel better! The anxiety is going away.”

Anxiety results from not accepting how things are and of trying to control things that you cannot control.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom. Knowledge is of the past, wisdom is of the future.
- Vernon Cooper

Two hundred years ago, collecting information was the name of the game. The world was ruled by those who mastered the skills of information gathering. Knowledge was power.

In today’s world, the TV world, the world of live broadcasts, of information at your fingertips, a fast track world loaded with information, the advantage changed sides. Today, the world belongs to those who master the regulation of the flow of information. Today, it’s not how much you know but how effective you are at finding what you need in the overwhelming rush of new facts coming straight at you from all around.

When I started my teaching journey, believing that all the people around the world were gifted, I faced a dilemma. As a person who brought information collection to a level of art, I was actually giving my students the greatest disadvantage of the 21st century. I was guiding them to where “they couldn’t see the forest for the trees.”

After I realised this, I spent years looking for the balance between collecting and regulating. Everything around us encourages collecting. At school, we learn how to gather and process information for our assignments, but not how to handle the enormous stream of information we absorb anyway.

Imagine that your brain is an office, where every piece of information is like the people seeking your service or incoming messages requiring your processing and filing.

Most of the processing happens while you’re a sleep. The more information you receive, the more time it takes you to process it. Have you noticed that when you’re stressed you feel tired? Have you noticed that kids sleep much more than adults do? That’s because the load of information they need to process is greater - almost everything is new.

Because the world moved into “fast forward,” we receive information that is much greater than twenty years ago. To realise this, think about kids. Their knowledge nowadays is diverse and they know much more than what their parents knew at the same age. Gifted children, for example, have very superior collection channels. They can collect a lot of information at any given time.

Unfortunately, not long after, the child will have loads of information without the time to process and the “clerk” in the “office” will scream, “That’s it. Too much input. I can’t handle this any more,” and the child will feel overload and pressure. A simple thing like walking in the street stimulates a lot of incoming mail. The colours, the faces, the conversation of the couple you’ve just seen, the traffic jam and the smell and taste of the apples you bought in the supermarket. All this input is processed and stored for later use. When you are absorbing all this, seemingly without an effort, you brain is working overtime to process and you might feel stressed without being able to pinpoint the reason.

A lot has been said about the ways to regulate this overload. Stress management actually tackles this from different angles. One way to handle stress is to try to divert our attention from the thing we consider the problem, where in fact we don’t have any idea which information is sorted while we are asleep. The clerk processes the information as he sees fit without us having the conscious ability to control it. An example of diverting the attention for the supposedly a stress source, is the attempt to divert kids’ attention from academic stimulants and encourage them to move into sports, art or music. This attempt only oils their superior machine and, instead of filtering out information, they open new channels of input as if the clerk now opened new doors to his office.

Another method to overcome stress is to avoid dealing with some of the issues. Some people prefer the ostrich approach but are not aware of the fact that the office is open to the public as long as they’re awake. Every minute you are not asleep, your office is receiving input. Sleep is just the way your clerk is working quietly with no disturbance. Has it happened to you that you wanted to stay at work after hours, when no one was around, so you can do the job without disturbance.

Meditation is one of the best ways to regulate the incoming flow of information. In our model, meditation is like hanging a sign on the door, which says, “Away from the office. Back in 20 minutes.” During this time, we allow our clerk to file the information without letting any new information to come in. Mediation research shows that it’s being neither asleep nor awake. It’s a state between the two, in which the brain is very calm, yet very sharp.

My first encounter with meditation was when my inspiring sister, 16 years old at the time, went to study Transcendental Mediation. I remember her taking time off, closing her eyes and sitting still for a while. She looked a bit ridiculous, but she was brilliant at every thing she did.

My first meditation experience happened when Gal and I went to study all kinds of meditation - affirmation, light, sound, eating, dancing, walking, mantra and visualisation. It was fun! I remember coming back home dead tired from meditation class, remembering that our instructor said, “Your body knows exactly what it needs. Listen to it. You probably need to sleep.”

Some time afterwards, I was working in Texas with a group of 2-year-old toddlers that used to wreak havoc during sleep time, so the centre had to reorganise the place and bring 10 adults to put them to sleep. The grownups sat there tapping the kids’ backs and patting their heads for an hour and a half, until the last one fell asleep. In our staff meeting, I suggested to introduce visualisation. Familiar? “Close your eyes and imagine you are on a soft cloud, like cotton.” We decided to try it for a month and reassess. On the first day, the last staff member left after 45 minutes. On the third day, they left after 10 minutes. The kids were still fully awake, relaxed, but with their eyes closed. At that time, we introduced soft meditation music in the background for an hour and a half. After a successful week, we felt we were ready to hand control over to the kids (remember, they were only two years old). We put the music on, “floated” for 3 minutes on our soft cotton cloud and then we asked them to take a deep breath and count one, two, three, one two, three. This way, within two weeks, we had 15 meditating toddlers, relaxed and saving the expensive resources of 10 extra staff members. You can imagine how happy the centre management, the parents and the teachers were.

When we moved to Melbourne, Gal and I registered for a Transcendental Mediation course. Our instructor suggested we bring the kids along. It sounded funny, because they were only 4 and 10 years old. I remember her asking us what kind of improvements we would like to see in the kids. We looked at each other, not knowing what to answer. They were perfect kids - friendly, flexible, curious, smart, loving and understanding. We went there every evening for a week, watched some videos and learned to mediate. After 4 days, Gal got really sick, so Marg, our instructor, gave him 3 tea bags and told him to drink them during the day. She told him his body was adjusting. Like magic, he got up the day after, healthy and alert. About a month later, our perfect little son started drumming on everything. We had to look all around town to find someone who was willing to teach percussions to a 4-year-old. Ivan, bless his soul, taught him only because he himself started learning at the age of 4. After 4 weeks, Tsoof was so advanced that we had to send Gal with him, so he could help him at home with his practice. Within a year, he had 4 different drum teachers teaching him different styles and he started playing with adults, because there wasn’t any children group at his level. We believe the mediation was the main reason for this.

So now in our house, every health issue is solved in this order:

1. Drink plenty of water
2. Take vitamin C
3. Meditate
4. Sleep

And you know what? This works for most things.

In Transcendental Mediation, people meditate with a mantra. Children until the age of 10 can mediate for 5 minutes with their eyes open any time they wish. From the age of 10, they start meditating for the number of minutes equal to their age, until they turn 20. They just hang up the sign “I’m on break. Back in 10 minutes,” twice a day. Every mediation session is considered equivalent to two hours of sleep and there you have it - people full of energy and focused who efficiently use another 4 hours of collecting information. Six years after our kids started meditating, we can tell by their behaviour whether they hanged the “on break” sign this week or not. Meditation doesn’t prevent the information from entering. It only regulates the incoming flow to allow more information to come in.

In a world full of information, a world of many words, many people, loads of feelings, lots of noise and visions, the name of the game is quiet.

Many people are afraid they don’t do it well because they still think of things while meditating. Remember, the goal in mediation is not to clear the brain from thought but to prevent new input from entering your office. Thinking during mediation is natural. In time, you feel much more relaxed, focused, energetic and happy.

If two hundred years ago all we wanted was more knowledge, then today our best asset is a sign, which says on one side “on break” to allow cleaning the head and on its other side, for when we’ve restored our energy, “open to public!”

To view the original article and/or subscribe to the Be Happy in LIFE newsletter, visit www.behappyinlife.com/inspiration.

Ronit Baras is an educator, a journalist and a life coach, specializing in relationships and emotional intelligence. She has 21 years of education experience, working with children, teenagers and parents. She’s the author of the book “Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers”. Ronit has lived and worked in America, Asia and Australia and now lives in Brisbane.

Ronit’s purpose in life is to spread love and acceptance all over the world through article writing, book publishing, public speaking, education and coaching.

When I moved out of London five years ago, one of the things I looked forward to was the change from urban noise to rural peace and quiet. Perhaps like many people, I tend to equate quietness with calm, contentment and time for reflection.

One of the downsides of our modern pace of life however is that even in so-called rural areas, noise continues to encroach – from the busy bypass, on the high street, as the train goes by, from planes overhead. Inside the home the situation is the same – round the clock television and radio, electronic toys, mobile phone ring tones, and the sound of washing machines, kettles, vacuum cleaners and extractor fans fill the air.

Undoubtedly these are all benefits of living in a modern, affluent world, and as such their downsides are something to be accepted. But the real downside of modern living isn’t simply the noise generated. Busy, noisy lives full of sensory stimulation leave little time for periods of reflection, introspection and peace. We need the sound of silence, to paraphrase Simon and Garfunkel, to give us space to think, and to draw upon our inner resources.

Our inner resources are both our first and last defence mechanism; it’s no surprise that most organised religions advocate quiet prayer and reflection for connecting with our spiritual selves and with energies, higher powers, call them what you will, to find the answers we need within us.

But how can we find silence within the cacophony of modern living? It’s not always easy, but with a little diligence we can all recreate the conditions for quiet reflection, if not the actual silence. Listed below are ten suggestions.

(1) Breathe!
When everyone is watching TV, find a deserted room upstairs, close your eyes and listen to your breathing. The quiet room merely allows us to concentrate on the only sound – our breaths in and out. Closing our eyes filters out yet another level of distraction and allows us to centre on our breath, and on how it slows down and becomes deeper as we focus on nothing else. Deep breathing is a well-known method for inducing calm and a relaxed, pre-meditative state – both of which are ideal for allowing us to look within and reflect on our day.

(2) Maximise Bath Time!
When I need time on my own, I book the bathroom, fill the bath with essential oils and turn off the light. I am lucky to have several trees at the bottom of my garden, and with the bathroom window open, the sound of the leaves is very conducive for reflecting. Even if you don’t have trees to listen to, a warm bath with the lights off will allow you time to let your mind wander within as your body relaxes and unwinds - however don’t get too relaxed and fall asleep!

(3) Tune in to the weather
Although we may prefer hot sunny days, nature provides us with a free and varied programme of inspiration and beauty. Wind, the sound of rain and even distant thunderstorms can provide sounds ranging from serenity to raw energy, and allow us to muse on nature, and our place in it.

(4) Put time aside to be alone
Now and again I wait until the rest of the house is in bed, then I turn off the lights, find somewhere comfortable to sit (my son’s beanbag is often called upon), I put on some headphones and listen to some (quiet) music or a guided meditation. It helps to let your family know that you’d like some quiet time. If you’re an early bird, the same short routine (10 minutes to half an hour is usually all I need) could be repeated before anyone gets up in the morning.

(5) Listen to your favourite music
Ideally you should wear headphones, and not have the music on too loud. Classical, ambient or world music probably works best, or at least nothing too brash or upbeat: the aim is to refresh and relax, not to have you dancing around the room!

(6) Take a break near water
It doesn’t matter what type of water - the sea, a lake or fountain in the park, a running river, babbling brook or even a canal will do. If you have a fish tank, that works as well. The aim is to give some time over to watching the ripples on the water, the bubbles and the ebb and flow, and to tune into our own flow. We are on average composed of 50 – 60% water; the movement of water in nature is re-enacted in our own bodies.

(7) Reflect on Nature
It can be a tree, a flower, a field, or the stars at night. Notice the natural wonders in your landscape and try to connect with nature. I recently spent a wonderful hour on a balcony while on holiday, gazing at the stars, when I noticed that the night sky appeared very different from the sky at home in the UK. I later realised I’d been reflecting on some pretty big issues in my life, as well as marvelling at the night sky and its beauty and infinite size. Stars, trees and indeed most of inanimate nature are also very quiet!

(8) “Power down”
Modern life offers us a wealth of truly useful conveniences and appliances, but once in a while, it’s good to turn them all off, at least temporarily. Last autumn we had a complete power cut for two hours, with the whole area within a two-mile radius affected. While it was initially unpleasant, once we had found a torch and lit some candles, the absolute quiet and darkness were a pleasant experience. Whilst not advocating that we pull the fuses, it does help once in a while to draw the curtains, turn off the lights, the TV, PC and Playstation, light a few candles and maybe a stick of incense. If you have a real fire, this is also a great source of quiet contemplation. As you listen to the sound of the clock, or the flickering of the fire, savour the time to relax without an overload of electrical input.

(9) Go to bed early
This works best when you’re not actually very tired, and you can afford to get up late the following day if needs be. Turn off the lights and concentrate on your breathing, allowing it to slow. Allow the day’s events to play through your mind, but visualise them passing through and beyond your body. If it’s not too cold leave the windows open (if you don’t live on a busy road). We so often have late nights and push our bodies and minds, it’s useful to give something back and retire to bed early, allowing your mind and body to relax and prepare for sleep in its own time. When you do fall asleep, you should feel totally relaxed and healthily tired.

(10) Go for a swim
Swimming is relaxing in itself, and we can experience a much quieter world underwater. Even if you don’t like to swim underwater, floating or swimming on your back submerges the ears, and temporarily removes us from the noisy outer world. Try to go when the pool will be quiet, and when you can float around uninterrupted. First thing or late at night are probably the best times for this. One of the joys of snorkelling for me is the enclosed and nearly silent inner world just under the surface of the seas, as well as the wonderful sea life.
With a little time and effort, we can all find ways to invite peace, quiet and reflection into our lives, even if only for a short while. Reflection allows us to literally reflect back on our own experience and wisdom, and to tap into our inner resources for when life isn’t so peaceful and quiet.

Margaret McGoverne is the founder of The Holistic Shop website http://www.theholisticshop.com where you can buy gifts and products for the wellbeing of mind body and soul.

Many of us are now living in the fast lane, our lives are fully scheduled, even our personal time. This often leads to a stressful lifestyle, with side effects like anxiety, sleeplessness, depression and potentially addictive behaviors and activities.

We all have a vision, if somewhat blurry, of our ideal life. To develop a fuller picture of this preferred life, and to understand what feeds us, we need time and space. Many people have a longing for a slower, perhaps fuller life and are beginning to look inside themselves to find out what they truly desire.

Learning to pause periodically during the day to ‘re-group’ and replenish our energy can be a helpful ‘first step‘, and can make an enormous difference in our hectic lives.

Take the time today to try this “Wellness Retreat”.

Three Minute Wellness Retreat

Close you eyes for a moment. Take 3 deep breaths, in through your nose, filling the bottom third of your lungs, holding as long as it’s comfortable, then out your mouth, pushing as much air out as possible. Think of a time and place, either real or imagined where you feel completely relaxed, completely at peace. Notice all the sights around you, smell the smells, hear the sounds, feel the objects. The more you involve your senses in this, the more effective it will be. Take a deep breath through your nose, hold it for a count of three, then push the air out through your mouth. Do this three times. Sit quietly for three minutes just noticing how your body feels. Slowly open your eyes. Notice how you are feeling now, right this minute. Hold onto this feeling by revisiting it periodically throughout your day.

Ellen Besso is a North Star Coach, personally trained by Martha Beck, PhD, and a certified counselor. She has been helping women deal with life challenges for 25 years. In her Odyssey of Change program she coaches and mentors Women 35+ as they discover their passions and identify and resolve the beliefs that are holding them back. If you feel unsatisfied in any area of your life and would like to explore life questions in more depth
contact Ellen at: 800 961 1364 or info@ellenbesso.com

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· Find out more about Ellen’s ‘Odyssey of Change’ program

This is the final period, I mean article on facing off against your fears. In the previous two articles, we delved into the first five steps of our seven-step game plan in dealing with our opponents: fear, anxiety and worry. During the “1st Period”, we looked at changing our attitude about facing fear and we came to realize that we can do something about it, if we believe in ourselves. We then identified our most prevalent fears that are holding us back in life. After which we learned how to incorporate two calming skills into our daily routine. During the “2nd Period” we took a look at accepting our fears and how to confront our fears head on.

Now, we are about to face off against our fears with the start of the final period. Our goal is to develop and practice the coping skills that will enable us to handle all fearful situations, including anxiety or panic attacks. Let’s take a look at steps six and seven in our game plan right now.

Step 6: Handling the fall out

In a worst-case scenario our fear can manifest itself in the form of a panic or anxiety attack. Keep in mind that during the first two periods we developed a number of skills and strategies that enable us to deal with these severe physical reactions of our body and mind to a fearful situation.

One strategy to use when you start to feel overwhelmed is to give yourself permission to experience the fall out, rather than resist and deny the symptoms. By giving yourself permission to accept the symptoms, you have taken one step closer to defusing or minimizing the physiological effects of an attack. At this point in time, work on re-conditioning your mind. Focus on changing your perception about what is transpiring. Downgrade your beliefs from thinking that what you are experiencing is “horrible” or “unbearable” to something that is “hard” or “uncomfortable”. In doing so, you set yourself up to better accept what is transpiring and it is easier knowing that your body’s reaction to this stress will pass with time. Move from being overwhelmed by your symptoms to managing your body’s reaction.

Another effective approach to coping with some of the uncomfortable physiological symptoms, such as hyperventilation, increased blood pressure, rapid heart rate, or excessive shaking is to fall back on your calming skills that you learned in the “1st Period”. Start by using the calming breath technique, whereby you take a long, slow inhale filling your lower lungs first, followed by your upper lungs and then holding your breath to the count of “three”. Exhale slowly, while focusing on relaxing your muscles in your head, shoulders and torso. This technique coupled with visualization can decrease the negative physical effects of a panic or anxiety attack within seconds. You may not prevent the attack from happening, but at least you are dealing with it in a positive way. This brings us to the last important step.

Step 7: Practice makes perfect

In order to achieve your ultimate goal in defeating fear, worry and anxiety you need to practice on a regular, consistent basis all of the skills and strategies outlined in these three articles. Just as a hockey team has a game plan when facing each opponent, you too need to follow your game plan to defeat some of your worst fears or anxieties. Your main goal is to de-sensitize your body against the effects of fear, changing your fear response over time as your belief in yourself forms.

Here are five suggestions to make effective use of your practice time:
#1 Purposely start practicing for fears that produce your lowest state of anxiety with the most modest symptoms.

#2 During each practice, your goal is to become as uncomfortable as possible by creating the strongest symptoms possible.

#3 Allow the symptoms to pass. After your practice exercise, take 30 seconds to account for your thoughts and emotions. Should you still feel anxious, practice your calming skills.

#4 Practice frequently. You should schedule at least one exercise per day a minimum of four times a week. Your objective once again is to change your conditioned response over time so that the symptoms become less intense and pass quickly.

#5 Chart your progress for the first few weeks. Record the intensity of your symptoms as being either low, medium or high. As well, jot down your level of fear or how frightened you became as being either low, medium or high. A simple charting process will provide you with some positive feedback as to your progress and motivate to continue your course of action.

Just as a great hockey player practices on a regular basis the skills and techniques required to face his fiercest opponent, you too should shoot for the same goal. If you have missed reading the first two articles on more effectively dealing with your fears.

Randall Stewart has been involved in success training and personal coaching for the past twenty-five years and is the author of Success is a Four-Letter Word: Learn How to Bring More Abundance & Prosperity into Your Life. He has taught in the corporate, university and public school sectors across Canada. To find out more about Randall’s self improvement resources and courses or to subscribe to the free newsletter, go to http://www.SuccessorizeYourself.com
Copyright © 2006 Synchromesh – Marketing Success, LLC.

Social anxiety, also sometimes known as social phobia, is a condition in which you experience high levels of anxiety about being criticised by or judged in a negative way by others. Surveys have suggested that as many as 10% of people may suffer from the condition, although it was not commonly recognised as a form of anxiety disorder until the 1980s. If you suffer from social anxiety then you may experience some or all of the following:

Extreme worry in public places such as at meetings, work or when shopping that other people will be watching you and finding fault with you

• Severe feelings of inferiority or inadequacy and a sense that other people are more intelligent than you or that you have nothing to say to them that will be of value
• Fear of going into a situation where you are expected to contribute to a discussion or give a presentation
• Extreme sensitivity to criticism from others
• Physical symptoms such as sweating, blushing, stammering or shaking when thinking about having to take part in a situation about which you are nervous.
• Perfectionist tendencies – believing that unless you to do something perfectly you have failed

What can you do to if you suffer from social anxiety? There are a number of steps which you can take if you suffer from social anxiety to help you gradually gain control of your situation so that the negative feelings and experiences you have will diminish: One thing that can be useful is to learn some relaxation techniques, for example

• Help to bring your body and mind more regularly into a state of relaxation and calm by practising simple relaxation exercises, ideally on a regular basis to establish a steady relaxing routine at least in part of your life. For example you might begin each morning by spending 10 minutes in a comfortable environment doing a breathing exercise. One of the recommended ways to practise breathing is to do what is called diaphragmatic breathing, as follows: Place one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. Breathe in through your nose slowly, allowing your stomach to swell, pushing out the hand that is resting on it and then gently exhaling to allow your stomach to subside. If the hand on your chest is moved by your breath rather than the hand on your stomach then you are not breathing through your diaphragm, so practise again until it is the stomach which moves. Count your breaths one by one as you breathe in and out.
• Practise a similar short breathing exercise at times when you are feeling anxious or before going into a situation which you dread.

Cognitive behavioural therapy or coaching can also be helpful in teaching you techniques which you can practise to deal with the negative and anxious thoughts which are leading you to become worried and stressed. For example, if you suffer from social anxiety you might have a tendency to mind read – that is to say, you imagine what other people will think (imagining that they will think something negative about you). Try writing down these thoughts prior to going into the problematic situation and then write down some alternative thoughts that you might say to yourself to counter the mind reading thoughts. For example, if you are going into a social situation where you are meeting people you do not know, you might have the thought: They will see that I am stupid and will laugh at me. Write this down and then next to it write something that you can say to challenge or question this thought in a realistic way. For instance, you might write down the following challenge: Some people there will be more concerned with their own problems to notice, even if I do say something stupid, and others may be sympathetic.

When you go into the situation remind yourself of that challenge to help you get through the situation.

This is just one of numerous techniques you can use to help yourself in difficult situations. At first they may seem artificial or you may find it difficult to believe the new thoughts you are trying to teach yourself. This is normal. You are retraining your mind to think in a different and more constructive way. Try to take things patiently, step by step, and if you need support seek help from a coach specialising in this particular area.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Bonham-Carter is an international life coach specialising in working with people experiencing stress, anxiety or relationship difficulties or wishing to achieve significant life changes.

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Hugo is working as an admin officer in a reputable national company. He joins the company 3 months ago as a promising graduate with high career prospect drawn up by his boss. Hugo is the man who always can turn an unfavorable situation to one that favors him instead. For that, his boss has highly recognized him for his hard work and consistent plans in getting things done and moving stagnant projects ahead of time line. However Hugo’s quick success in the company has also drawn up a group of zealous colleagues who always gossip and even spread false accusations about him. Soon, Hugo begins to feel frustrated about his workplace and he realize that his frustrations are getting more and more frequent. It’s affecting his performance, his work, his family… He often grumbled “… There are so many hurdles blocking me from getting what I want… I don’t seem to be getting what I want… I am upset and disappointed with my colleagues and my boss…”

“I don’t know what lies ahead of me…” and now Hugo is considering quitting and starting all over again. He hopes.

Does this sound familiar to you?

If you find yourself in a similar situation as Hugo, you could be part of the group of people who do not really understand how to get what you want.

1. You might not know what you really want.

Fix and Stick to your goals. Often, we change our targets as we are discouraged by the initial failures. If you really want something, stick to it no matter what happened in between getting your target. Identify your goals.

2. You do not know how to get it.

“I’ve been sticking to my goals always but I’m still not getting what I really wanted…” Ask yourself. Is my target realistic? Am I driven enough to get what I really wanted? Aiming to earn 1 million dollars within 6 months could be unrealistic if you do not know how to go about earning that. Do not be afraid. Instead, tell yourself constantly to take any initiative and figure out how to get it. Start with an action plan including time line on when to achieve them.

3. You are afraid to bother others.

“I don’t know what lies ahead of me…”

Do not always try to get things done or achieve goals alone. Identify people who are sharing the same targets as you. Share experiences and learn from other people’s mistakes. For all routes that are ahead, there’s bound to be some routes that are already taken by the adventurous. Brave up. Picked up the courage to approach someone with what you want, then they might be able to help you get it.

4. You are feeling too comfortable with what you have currently.

Remember the time when you first joined your company? You do not know where and who to escalate your question and problem. You have to juggle with the office politics and decide which group to side with. Perhaps after some trial & error, and even lessons learned, you are now considered “the office consultant”. Everyone including your boss will have to look for you whenever they have a question. You might or might not be able to answer all their questions but somehow, in your heart, you know that “they just have to ask me…”. You feel pleased about your seniority status. Unknowingly, you have also fallen into a place called “comfort zone”. You are afraid of changes that might make you feel unimportant, and no longer the “office consultant” that you used to be. If you really want what you want, know the sacrifices you need to make to get it and consider making them.

Jorrine See is a freelance writer based in Singapore, SG. She’s a beautiful & intelligent woman who is actively pursuing her career always. Living in a sunny island, she enjoys lazing at cafe, sipping her favorite latte, dreaming the dreams that she always hold… mesmerized by people & their thinking & behaviors…

You can read more of her articles here: http://republicpink.blogspot.com